I have had these thoughts running around in my head for the last couple of months and I can't seem to get rid of them -- they just keep coming back. I thought maybe if I attempted to write them down I could make sense of them or someone could help me make sense of them and then I might have some peace of mind for a little while. They go like this...
I am supposed to apply for grad school in January to get my masters and become a certified Speech-Language Pathologist. This is something that I knew I would have to do when I started college and chose speech as my career and I was fine with that, I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to do three more years of school... right? WRONG! That was long before I was married and had two kids. Now the thought of going back to school for three years terrifies me. I really have NO desire to do it whatsoevere, expect that if I don't I'll never be able to work as an SLP.
So pretty much my dilemna is this... I wouldn't say I LOVE my job, I don't mind it, but I am also not... for lack of a better word... passionate about it. I could leave it and not be broken hearted. Especially this year, it has been extremely stressful. However, I did set a goal to get a masters degree way back when and if I don't, I pretty much wasted my four years of college because there isn't a whole lot I can do with my degree without a masters. If I don't go back and finish will I regret it a few years down the road?
To add to my dilemna, child care is SUPER expensive in Davis county. We pay almost as much in child care as we do in a mortgage. I work full-time and I really don't make all that much when you add child-care in the figure. I know I don't want to be a full-time mom, I know I would go crazy, but I could also work just two days and make more money by not paying for childcare. Do I wait until next year to do this and keep digging myself further and further in debt, or do I get brave and tell my boss that I'm cutting back after Christmas?
But... I have a hard time making myself ask someone to watch my kids. Is it rude to ask a friend to watch them one day a week and not expect pay or expect very little pay?
Then... Matt suggests I open my own daycare. That is something I know I couldn't handle, but then the thought crosses my mind that I could open my own preschool. The more I think about it, the more this seems like a good idea. I start doing some research and I realize that all I need is a business license. Eventually I would finish my basement, but for now I could do it in my front living room. If I were to take just 2 classes, 2 days a week I'd make MORE than what I make teaching four days a week right now... plus I wouldn't have to send my kids to daycare! I'd get to be home, but I'd still be making an income. If I did 2 classes 4 days a week, I'd almost triple my income.
Seems easy right? Well for now it seems like a no brainer... do the preschool, stay home with my kids, make more money. BUT, what about in five years when my kids are in school? Will I regret starting a preschool and wish I had gotten my masters degree so I could do SLP? Should I just go back to school if and when that happens?
My husband has a great job and is able to support us. I only want to work part time for my own sanity. I hate taking my kids to daycare everyday, especially when Brooke pretends she is sick so she won't have to go. But, I also think the interaction with other kids is good for them. What is more important -- finishing what I started, having a good job, making a good income, staying home with my kids? I really don't know!! I am so back and forth on all of this, but the preschool thing just keeps coming up and won't get out of my head.
Sorry for the long post. Last is my list of pros and cons. Right now I am thinking that I will go ahead and apply to grad school and see if I get in before I make any concrete decisions. If I decide to do it I will probably drop my hours at work to 2 days and possibly do preschool 2 days. Although, I am strongly considering dropping to two days after Christmas anyway if I can find someone to keep my kids. I'd greatly appreciate any thoughts or advice anyone has.
Pros to Preschool
More money
Stay home with kids
Cons to Preschool
Not finish degree
Lose insurance (but Matt still has his)
Might regret it in 5-10 years
Pro to SLP
Finish what I started
Get out of the house
Cons to SLP
Send kids to a sitter
More in debt
Can't have more kids for atleast 3 years
We were young, immature, and crazy. Looking back now I still don't know what we were thinking... after 2 weeks of dating and 3 months of being engaged, we barely knew each other. Luckily, we both knew what we wanted in life and had good examples of what it takes to make a happy marriage and we have made this far. 2 kids, 2 1/2 degrees, and MANY moves later, I'm still in love! Love you Matt... Happy Anniversary!
