Life As We Know It: December 2014

This is a post that I've very much been avoiding writing. It is now the middle of March, even though I will go back and date this so it falls where it is supposed to in my books. Even 3 months later, it is a tender topic. Some days will just catch me off guard and I miss him. I miss his voice, his little jittany truck that he always used to drive me to school in, even his lectures. He always wanted the best for us and for us to be our best. He may not have shown his love in the most common of ways, but his drive for all of us to be perfect was his true way of showing us how we were loved.

One of the things I really learned from his funeral was his great love for people. Everyone knew him. I was shocked at the people at the viewing and funeral. People in my ward and that I know from other places that I had no idea knew my grandpa. The day of the funeral was so special and such a great honor to our grandpa. He was loved and is very much missed. I was sitting on my back patio one night about six weeks ago, waiting for the dog. It was a warm, nice evening and I was reflecting back on the events of the last several months. There was a slight breeze blowing and I had this overwhelming feeling that Grandpa was there and that he loves us. I know he is watching over us and I'm so grateful for the gift of angels and the knowledge that they are always there.

Through the journey from his accident to his death we saw a lot of miracles and tender mercies as a family and I want to be sure I record them so I don't forget. I'm sure there are more that our mom's experienced but that they aren't willing to share yet, so these are just the ones that I know of. There is talked called Miracles by Elder Dallin H. Oaks that was shared with my by the cutest sweet man in my Sunday school class. He was an institute and seminary teacher and he always has the best comments and is so willing to share and help others learn. In the talk, Elder Oaks goes through and lists many miracles, From Jesus's time to the restoration of the gospel, to modern day miracles, and miracles he has experienced in his life. In the very end, he says, "the greatest miracle is not in such things as restoring sight to the blind, healing an illness, or even raising the dead, since all of these restorations will happen in the Resurrection. Changing bodies or protecting temples are miracles, but an even greater miracle is a mighty change of heart by a son or daughter of God (see Mosiah 5:2). A change of heart, including new attitudes, priorities, and desires, is greater and more important than any miracle involving the body. It introduces the perspective and priorities that lead us to make the choices that qualify us for eternal life, “the greatest of all the gifts of God” (D&C 14:7).

My dear brothers and sisters, I pray that each one of us may experience and persist in that miracle of the mighty change of heart, that we may realize the destiny God has prescribed for all of His children and the purpose of this Church to bring to pass the eternal lives of men and women."

Eternal life and exaltation are truly is the greatest miracles we can all experience in our lives. It was such a good reminder for me to be aware of the miracles going on around me, but to always strive to have a broken heart and contrite spirit so that I can make the choices each day that will allow me to be with my Savior and family again, someday, forever.

Grandpa was in a horse riding accident in mid-October. At the time, Matt and I had just bought our new house and were knee deep in repainting and preparing to move. Mom called me on a Saturday night and was headed to the ER. Grandpa had been up the canyon with a friend and supposedly had fallen off when the horse jumped over a log. The friend drove him back to his truck at the dam and then he drove home, but when he got to his house he couldn't get out and move, so he called my mom to take him to the hospital. After a long time at the hospital they found out he had 11 broken ribs, a broken sternum, and severely bruised lungs. They decided that his injuries were severe enough that they were going to admit him for a few days. He was there for about a week and I went up one afternoon to see him. He was very sleepy from the pain medication. Then a couple days later, he wasn't improving at all. They moved him to ICU and then I got a text from my mom telling me I needed to come to the hospital because they were going to life flight him to Ogden. Like I said, Matt and I were right in the middle of painting and of course I had my day care kids. I left and went up to the hospital looking beautiful in all my paint clothes. By this time, he had been in-tubated and was totally sedated. He looked really bad. We were all there and able to tell him how much we loved him. The guys gave him and blessing and we watched him fly away, hoping that all would be ok. Remember, the last time they life flighted our Grandma, she didn't make to Ogden, so life-flight already held some pretty bad memories for us.

Our moms and Nan went down to Ogden to meet him and found a cousin down there to stay with. They didn't share a lot of details with us those first couple weeks, but there were a lot of a ups and downs. They put a trache tube in to breathe for him because his lungs were so severly bruised and it was likely that he would develop pneumonia. Halloween passed and we were now well into November. We (meaning the 5 grand kids) got a call on a Monday afternoon that Grandpa probably wasn't going to make it much longer and we probably should come down to visit. Up to that point, we hadn't been welcome at the hospital. Kelsey, Annie, Jerry and I drove down and Chris met us there. Dad, Brody, Amber, Blair, and Ty weren't far behind us. Nate and Matt stayed home with the kids. Our moms and Nan didn't want us to say goodbye because they thought it would be too hard, but we all knew this was going to be our last chance to see him.

We spent a good hour and a half there talking to him and telling him how much we loved him. He was pretty out of it, but would squeeze our hands and scowl at us when we said things he didn't like. My dad gave him a beautiful blessing, giving him permission to move on to the other side and I'm pretty sure his parents were there watching. It was an emotional night, to say the least. My mom kept telling us that she knew they were going to take his breathing tubes out the next day and he was going to be fine and breathe on his own, but we were sure she was just in denial.

Our moms and Nan came home that night and were going to go back early the next morning to be there when they took out his breathing tubes. Early that morning, they got a call from the nurse. Sometime during the night, Grandpa had decided he changed his mind and didn't want to die. He was now sitting up, fully awake, and trying to talk. Our moms rushed down and met with his team. They wanted to get him moved into a rehab center right away because there wasn't a lot they could do for him at the hospital anymore. There are 4 respiratory rehab centers in the state so our moms went to visit them all and made the decision to move him to South Davis Rehab in Bountiful. Grandpa started making improvements immediately and was doing much better. We took the kids down a couple times and were able to visit him several times. He still had the trache in so he couldn't talk to us, but he would write things and did a pretty good job of letting us know what he wanted.

By the beginning of December it was looking like he was going to be home for Christmas. He was doing really well on the trache and they were able to put a speaking valve in so he was able to talk. They were going to be taking the trache out soon.

The rehab center had a Christmas party the first weekend in December and they made a really big deal out of it. They told our moms how important it was to have as much family there as possible and our moms insisted that we all be there. We were all a little bugged that we had to go down on a Saturday morning right before Christmas. We all had a lot to do and didn't really want our kids getting germs. But, we went anyway, knowing that the staff probably really had no idea what they were getting themselves into by insisting our whole family be there.

Annie and her kids and Brooke had gone down the night before and stayed in a hotel so they were the first ones there. Cole had a basketball game so we left as soon as we could and Kelsey wasn't far behind us. When they first got there, they did have Santa there and the kids were able to see him. But, by the time we got there, there was no party. We were the ONLY family there. While they were waiting for Kelsey and me to get there, the kids and Blair sang Christmas songs and grandpa sang and tapped his foot with them. They were trying to make a party :-) They even had cupcakes and refreshments. Grandpa happened to get a hold of one, even though he was still on a totally liquid diet and feeding tube. He peeled the wrapper off and Blair figured he was going to give it to Camden, who was sitting on his lap. But instead, he put it up to his mouth, licked the frosting, and then hurry and shoved it in before anyone could take it away. Shawna saw, and lectured him, and then they asked him if he liked it and he said no. Haha.

Busy little Camden, who just turned one, spent a lot of time that day sitting totally still on Grandpa's lap. We would later learn that this is one of the tender mercies we experienced. He is still so little and pure and close to the veil that we know totally believe that he knew it would be his last time seeing Grandpa.

We were finally all there, but Bailee had bad pink eye so I made her stay outside with my parents. Grandpa was getting tired, so we didn't stay too long and he went back to his room to rest.

The next Wednesday, our Nan got a call from the nurses saying Grandpa wasn't doing well and she needed to come down immediately. They had taken his trache out the day before and he had a bad night and was really anxious and struggling to breathe so they had taken him back to the hopsital to get his trache back in.

Nan refused to go down. She didn't want to see him like that again. So just my mom and Shawna went and when they got there they met with the doctor. His kidneys were starting to fail and they were told he could be put on dialysis but probably wouldn't have a very good quality of life. I forgot to mention earlier, that by the time he made it to Mckay Dee the doctors didn't believe he had just fallen off the horse. His injuries were so serve and his brusing so bad, that something else had to have happened. They think maybe the horse rolled on top of him. Chris went up to the accident site the day or two after it happened and said that there was no way, just by looking at the site, that he just fell off. The ground was very torn up and not just in one small spot.

Our moms made the decision not to have his trache put back in or to have him put on dialysis. Grandpa was awake enough to know that they were there and told the 3 of them to go home. He just assumed Nan was there too. He passed away peacefully that afternoon with Mom and Shawna by his side. I really feel like he held on those extra 6 weeks because he needed us all together. He knew we needed him just a little longer and he really fought to make it until he could have all of us together one last time. I don't think it is chance that they made such a big deal of a Christmas party that really wasn't and that even though we really didn't want to go we all still made an effort to be there. How grateful we are now that we went.

Our moms were a mess through the viewing and funeral, but did a very nice job of putting it all together. We were all able to participate and it really was a beautiful day and beautiful service. As grandkids, we felt like we had already said our goodbyes and processed a lot the night at McKay Dee, so we held it together a little better. He was such a huge part of our lives and we are so lucky to have the family we have. Another of the tender mercies we experienced throughout all these months was the ability for all of us to really come together as a family and be there to support each other, and especially our Nan. It has been hard to watch her struggle to find a place without Grandpa but I hope that she knows how loved she is and how lucky we feel to still have her around.

We had several parties last weekend in Salt Lake, so we got a hotel and spent the whole weekend down there. First stop was at Grandpa's rehab center in Bountiful, where the very important Christmas party ended up being the not-so-Christmas-party-only Jardine's. We were the only ones there of all the rehab patients, but it sure was fun for all of us to be together.

Next, was a birthday party for Cole's friend at Discovery Gateway. We used to go there all the time when we lived in Salt Lake, but haven't been for years. The kids didn't remember much of it and had a blast playing. Elsa and Anna came to visit the party and Cole could care less, but Bailee was so excited... even if she was a little nervous.

Last, we went to see the lights at temple square and then on to the hotel to swim. The weather was beautiful and so warm and we all had such a great time. We are excited for Christmas to get here!