Moving... again

This is a VERY long post for my own journaling purposes.  Feel free to skip over it.  

Anyone that associates with us on a regular basis or follows my blog with any regularity know that we move.  A LOT.  The last 3-4 years have been no exception   When we bought our house in Syracuse in 2009 we planned to stay there for at least 5 years.  We all know that didn't happen.  Our life plans weren't what we thought they were going to be.  When we left Syracuse, we didn't really know what our plan was, only that we needed to move on.  That left us in Salt Lake for 6 months.  Clearly that wasn't working... being close to Matt's work was nice but that is about where it ended.  We knew very soon that we needed to make a change.  So we started searching, again.  Late last winter/early spring I had a strong feeling that we needed to move back to Cache Valley.  We'd talked several times about going back "home" but the timing just never felt right.  By May, we had a couple of leads on jobs and knew there was a good chance we'd be able to go back so we took the opportunity to get out of our apartment in Salt Lake when it came.  We spent 6 weeks with Matt's brother/my parents while we were still figuring things out and after turning down two jobs, finally decided that maybe Cache Valley wasn't it.  I was extremely disappointed.  I just knew that is where we were supposed to be, but I also knew that I needed to support my husband and trust in his answers.  At least we finally had a decision and were going to settle down for good.  Back to Davis County we went.  And we were HAPPY!  We loved our neighbors and the kids and I quickly made friends.  My dad ended up in one of the jobs Matt turned down and it is a good thing we made the choice we did.  Matt would have been miserable.  I'm going to pick up here from my journal...  

October 2012

We've been married for almost seven years.  In those seven years we've moved almost 10 times.  3 of those have been in the last year.  In 2009, we had both graduated from Utah State and bought a home in Syracuse, which was halfway between our jobs.  In early 2011, after Baille, we made the decision for me to quit my job to be at home with the kids.  This also meant we would have to make some lifestyle changes so we put our home up for sale and made the preparations to move closer to Matt’s work.  It was exactly one year ago this week that we moved to Salt Lake City.

When we moved, we had no idea where a good place to live was or where we wanted to settle, so we rented a two bedroom apartment just a couple miles from Matt’s work.  As we began our search for a home, we never could find an area or a home that we really liked or felt good about.  By May, I had finally had it with living in such a small space and couldn’t face the idea of sending Brooke to kindergarten in an unsafe and unfamiliar area in the fall.  By a tender mercy, we were able to quickly sell our apartment lease.  This left us with nowhere to live and really no idea what we were doing. 

We moved in with Matt’s brother in Layton for a few weeks while we tried to figure things out.  For months, I had a feeling that we were supposed to move back to Cache Valley.  Within 2 weeks, Matt was offered 2 jobs in Logan, but as we fasted and prayed about what to do, Matt couldn’t find the feeling of peace that he needed and I felt like I needed to support his decision as the priesthood holder in our home.  We turned down both jobs, found a house in Davis County, and moved… again. 

We quickly settled into our new home and neighborhood.  We became fast friends with our next door neighbors who happen to have kids the exact same ages as ours, received callings in our ward, and enrolled our kids in school, dance, and preschool.  Life was good.  We were only an hour from home and able to visit often.  I picked up a couple of jobs babysitting and cleaning for extra money.  Matt had a fulfilling job with an awesome company and we were happy! 

Towards the end of August, Matt had stayed after work to play softball with some friends in Sandy.  He called me on his way to the field and said, “I got an email from Jason Summers today.  He offered me a job.”  I laughed and told him that was nice, really thinking, that is flattering but there is NO WAY we’re making another change right now.  He showed me the offer letter when he got home and even though it sounded like a good opportunity I brushed it off and basically told him to tell Jason thanks but no thanks.

Matt knew Jason and his brother from high school and had audited their company in 2010 with the accounting firm he worked for.  We knew they were thinking of hiring a controller and Matt had talked with them a few times in the past about it, but nothing ever came of it.  The job offer was a total shock, but Matt ignored the email and we went on with our lives.

I like to get up in the mornings and run on my treadmill while my kids are still sleeping.  While I run, I often listen to conference talks or other church material.  One day, I happened to be listening to a BYU devotional given by Cecil O. Samuelson, the president of BYU.  It was entitled, “How Do I Decide?”  In it, he tells a story of time just after he had completed his medical residency and was working on a postdoctoral fellowship at Duke University.  During this time, he was approached with several offers for a future career.  He says they mentioned the opportunities in prayer as they came, but felt that they were happy in their lives and didn’t feel the need to make a great change.  One day, a man who he had already talked with twice in the last few weeks called him yet again to offer him the job.  The man told President Samuelson that he understood his position but wanted to be sure that he had gone about the decision making process in “exactly the right way” and offered him the job one more time.  For some reason, his question about “exactly the right way” really stood out to President Samuelson and he realized that he had been praying as if he already knew the answer.  He knew that he had gone about the process all wrong and when he went about it in the right way, really praying about it… he got the Lord’s answer and ended up leaving Duke University and his happy life.

This hit me a little bit but I pushed it aside, assuring myself that we had already gotten our answer and were doing what we had been told.  Not more than 24 hours later, Matt received a call from Jason asking if he had received the offer and had a chance to look it over.  Matt came home on a Friday asking me if I had given anymore thought to the offer and the words of the devotional from the day before came back to me.  I told Matt that in my head it made sense not to take the offer but that in my heart I thought maybe we should take some time to think about it and really pray about it.

Another week or two went by and both Matt and I were back and forth on the decision.  We couldn’t make up our minds.  We were happy and content where we were at, but could we be happier in Cache Valley?  Were we really supposed to move again?  Finally, Matt received another email from Jason telling him he needed our final decision by Monday.

That weekend happened to be the weekend Blair took out her endowment and general conference.  By the time Friday night rolled around I had pretty much decided that we were staying where we were at.  On our way to the temple for Blair’s endowment session Matt asked me again what my feelings were about the job.  I told him that I felt fine with him staying at Café Rio and asked if he was having doubts.  He confessed that he was and was hoping to find an answer in the temple that night.

Well, no earth shattering revelations were made to either of us in the temple.  We were still as confused as ever.  Saturday morning rolled around and we listened to conference and went about our day.  Matt and I were getting ready to go out to lunch towards the end of the morning session.  I ran in my mom’s room to borrow a pair of socks and happened to notice that President Uchtdorf was the concluding speaker.  I paused to listen to him and became totally absorbed in his talk.  His message about the regrets people have in life hit me like a ton of bricks.  Suddenly, I knew our answer.

Throughout the rest of the weekend we continued discussing our options and finally decided Sunday night that we needed more time.   Matt still wasn’t sure.  He emailed Jason and asked for a few more days.  Jason responded quickly and said that they needed our answer by the next afternoon.

Monday morning rolled around and I was talking to Matt’s cousin/my good friend.  They just moved to Texas and I knew that she’d know what we were going through.  She suggested that I go back and listen to President Eyring’s talk from Sunday afternoon, so I did, as I was running that morning.  As I listened to his message, it was like he was speaking directly to Matt and I.  "By the world’s standards, I had achieved success. But I was given by the Church the chance to leave California and go to Ricks College in Rexburg, Idaho. My lifetime professional objectives might have been a pavilion dividing me from a loving Father who knew better than I did what my future could hold. But I was blessed to know that whatever success I had in my career and family life to that point was a gift from God."  President Eyring

I emailed Matt this quote from his talk and by that evening we had decided that even though it would mean some sacrifices and some big changes in our life… AGAIN, this is what Heavenly Father wanted us to do.

When we finally stopped worrying about what was going to happen with Matt’s career and the timing of it all, we realized that our answer was very clear.  We have to be willing to put our trust in Heavenly Father and know that things will work out for the best… even if things already seem to be great.

From here, things got a little crazy.  We planned to put our house up for rent and Matt would just commute until it rented and we could move free and clear, hopefully once the school year ended.  Things were going great and we knew we'd be going back to Cache Valley eventually.  Then, on Thanksgiving, Matt hurt his knee playing full-pads football.  It was bad enough that he needed crutches.  We were able to get him into a specialist Monday and the news wasn't good.  A torn ACL that would need surgery ASAP.  Yikes.  Not only was he going to need surgery, it was his right leg and he couldn't drive.  Surprise!  We get to move, now!  Luckily, we had been casually looking for houses in Cache Valley and knew of one that we really wanted.  The owners were moving to Hawaii for 2 years and were nice enough to move out ASAP so we could have our own house for Christmas.  We enrolled our kids in new schools and packed up our house.  Matt had surgery on the 13th to repair his ACL AND and torn meniscus.  This required/s 6 weeks on crutches.  He's currently on week 3 of the crutches and is healing well but already sick of not walking.  The week before Christmas we moved for the 4th time in a year.  Talk about nuts.  We are VERY VERY lucky to have good friends and co-workers who helped us pack up all our stuff in Clinton and unload it all here.  Matt couldn't do anything so it would have all been left to me.

This move has been one of the hardest.  At least for me.  Matt is extremely happy and keeps telling me that he is actually going to have friends again.  :)  He loves his new job and the people he works with.  While I knew that we'd be moving eventually, but I hadn't quite wrapped my brain around that fact yet and I totally wasn't ready for it.  As much as I've wanted to come back to the Valley it has been a big change.  I'd gotten used to being on my own -- having my own schedule, making my own friends, and depending a lot on Matt and no one else.  It has been a BIG adjustment coming back to the place where we know everyone and everyone knows us.  It sounds silly but I've really worried about this.  One of the things I loved most about living away is that people knew me for ME!  The person I am now.  I've stressed about the fact that everyone here either a.  knows Matt's family  b.  knows my family or c.  knows me or Matt from high school.  Silly I know and I'm slowly getting used to the fact that every time I leave my house I see someone I know :)  The neighborhood we moved into just so happens to have 3 families we know very well and 5-10 more that we know well enough.  Matt's parents are a mile up the road and mine are 10 minutes away.  It is nice to be close to family and see them whenever we want.

The kids have definitely had their ins and outs.  Cole had an all out meltdown at preschool right before Christmas break and refused to go in.  I carried him in kicking and crying and he ran right back out the door in bare feet.  That is so not like him.  He LOVES preschool.  I am praying that all will go well when he goes back tomorrow :)  Brooke has been more emotional than normal, if that is even possible.  I miss her teacher like crazy.  She was incredibly amazing, but I do feel a little better knowing that she was leaving after Christmas for a new job anyway, so Brooke would have had a new teacher there too.   She does like school and is quickly making friends and was excited to go back today.  They both miss being able to run over to the neighbors anytime and always having a friend to play with.  I'm sure that will change once the weather warms up and they realize that almost every house around us has kids their age.  It was -11 here this morning.  BRRRRR!!  My car wouldn't start because it was so cold-- I am sure glad I knew who I could call to pick Brooke up from school!

Christmas was a blur and I didn't get to enjoy it as much this year as I would have liked.  We were able to go to the Christmas Devotional at Temple Square which was amazing.  I loved President Uchtdorf's talk and it was such a good reminder about what is important and being thankful for everything.  We also got to spend lots and lots of time with family and were blessed with a little miracle baby just 2 days before Christmas.  Another one should be arriving here in the next week or two.  

In everything, I guess I have learned that we just need to trust in the Lord.  Even though our timing is not always His, obviously He knows what is coming and what is best for us.  I have learned and grown so much from the experiences we've had and I know that they have all been good for me and for our family.  My testimony is so much stronger and I feel like I am truly converted to the Gospel.  Our relief society lesson last Sunday was based on Isaiah 58:11 and the Lord guiding us continually.  We talked about how it important it is that we trust in Him and depend on Him to help us teach our children the why of the Gospel so they can become truly converted too.  It really hit me that even though I always had a testimony, I wasn't truly converted to the Gospel until I had kids and experiences of my own that forced me to realize what is really important.  

I told a good friend the other day that the one advantage to moving as much as we do is all the amazing friends I've made along they way.  They are what makes the leaving hard and what I miss about each of the places we've been.  I am so grateful for those friends I know are lifelong, whether close or far and the love and support we've come to know we can count on!  We are so blessed-- and this better be my last post about moving for a LONG TIME!!!!