Mommy Time Out

Today is one of those days.  I need a timeout.  I love my kids and I love being a mom.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  BUT...somedays I just can't take anymore.  My patience is GONE and  I'm feeling ever more unappreciated.  It seems that the more I give, they more they take.  I've tried explaining to my kids why we have rules and chores and what it means to respect things, but I don't know if they just don't get it or if they just don't care.  It isn't a mom's job to do everything.  Everyone in the family should have to pitch in, we all live here we all live together.

Last night was rough... Matt came home from work and complained about how messy the house was.  Any mom who spends her whole day trying to keep the house clean and trying to keep the kids entertained knows how that feels.  Total insult.   Then, Brookelyn threw a huge fit because she found out we'd gone to the park while she was at school.  She made sure I knew I that I don't love her and I only do fun things when she is at school.  According to her nothing is fair and her life is miserable.  She has no friends and nobody likes her.

Today, I spent the morning cleaning up breakfast, doing laundry, making beds... the normal morning routine.  Before we moved the kids were really good to help with chores... they knew that daily they had to put away their laundry, make their beds, and unload the dishwasher.  Since we've moved trying to convince the kids to help with chores is a daily battle.  They tell me that I'm the mom and its my job.  Finally, I threatened to cancel Brooke's birthday party if they didn't mind.  I don't like being a mean mom but I find that when I've tried to be nice, tried to give rewards for doing good, and tried explaining why it is important to do chores-- I just resort to being mean and punishing.

While I was on the treadmill (only for a half hour) they got out all the toys again that we'd just put away.  I don't mind messes, I know that's what kids do.  It is when they make mess after mess after mess and don't put anything away.  In our tiny apartment it gets cluttered pretty fast.  Before I know it they have every toy out and then refuse to clean up because the mess is too big.  I walk out of my room and can't even walk down the hall because there are blankets, barbies, dolls, trucks, and my kitchen utensils scattered everywhere.  Again, it turns into a battle and I usually end up cleaning up by myself to avoid the crying and fit throwing.  Thats another thing I can't take.  If you have a reason to be crying, that is one thing.  I'm happy to help solve a problem, but if you are screaming and crying for no reason it is pretty hard to deal with.  I lose my patience really fast and I wonder how mom's deal with babies who cry and cry and cry.

I try so hard to be a good mom but some days I just feel like I'm failing.  I try so hard to love unconditionally like Christ did, but I find myself on my knees often begging for help and for forgiveness.  I'm trying to teach them to do what is right and to feel the spirit but it seems like lately more often then not, they cry, I cry and its all a big fat mess.  I'd give anything today to take my kids to the neighbor and go to the temple, but when you live far away and in an apartment complex where you don't know anyone that is not an option.  Matt is my only out and by the time he gets home from work he's tired, ornery and the last thing he wants is for me to leave him with the kids.  I don't mean to complain or ask for sympathy, I'm just frustrated and today has been one of those days that I need to vent.