I've been doing a lot of thinking and contemplating the last few weeks and it always makes me realize how truly blessed I am. I had a phone conversation with one I my oldest and best friends. During the call we somehow ended up on the topic of church and I learned that she's struggling to find herself and where she fits in the LDS church. She told me that she always went to church because that's what we were supposed to do and she never really gained her own testimony. It breaks my heart. For two reasons, first, how many others are there like her who just go because they are supposed to, not really understanding or learning and feeling the spirit. She's not my first friend to leave church recently and it seems to be a common pattern, especially here in Utah where it is expected or at least assumed that you go to church just like everyone else. Second, Church is such a part of my life and who I am, I can't imagine not having it. It is more than just a belief for me. It is a way of life. Everything I do, everything I am and trying to become revolves around my faith and the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
We were faced with a difficult decision recently and when it first came I refused to even acknowledge it. My life is great. I am settled and happy. My kid are happy and growing. Matt has a great job with great people and a lot of opportunities for growth and progress. Why would we want to change any of that? But, alas, I know I can't rely solely on my head and I have to give my heart and spirit a chance to talk too. When I finally quit being so stubborn and listened to what I was supposed to do instead of what I wanted or thought made sense, I realized that it isn't about a job or a house or money or even about friends and family. It is about doing what God wants because He knows what is best. President Eyring said in conference, "My lifetime professional objectives might have been a pavilion dividing me from a loving Father who knew better than I did what my future could hold." He also talks about our personal ambitions and our own timetables and how when we think we know we best or think we know when and why, we block out revelation and the spirit trying to direct us what is best. Father in Heaven has a plan for each of us and we just have to trust that if we obey, blessings will come. Sometimes that means giving up something great and hoping that something greater is in store. Sometimes it means sacrificing and ultimately it is knowing that He knows better than us.
How grateful I am for my testimony and the knowledge that Jesus Christ died for each of us. For the opportunity I have to access His atonement and grace on a daily basis and to feel His love in all I do. I'm so thankful for a Gospel that leads and directs my life and inspires me to become a better person, wife, mother, and friend.
I hope that someday my friend will find her own testimony and realize the importance of the covenants we make and the reasons I believe so strongly that God is aware of each of us and want us to do what is right.
As we sat in the Celestial room of the temple last week for the first time, with my entire family, I knew this is what it is really all about. What purpose is there in this life if His promises aren't true and if we don't all strive to become better and kinder each day so we can return someday. What an accomplishment and honor for my parents to have all three of their children and our eternal companions together in such a sacred place. I can't wait for the day I have my own children there and even more for the day we are ALL reunited in Heaven and hear those wonderful words, "well done my good and. faithful servant."
"I am a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it!"
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